Life Editing

Just Me

The other day I was editing my picture on one of the many apps on my phone that has my name and my picture in the profile. As I was changing my last name, I begin to think about the last four months of my life and how much editing I have had to do.

I know I am not the only person that has ever edited something or will have to edit something, but the thought crossed my mind: “I have edited some much in my lifetime.”   It was this last reason for my editing that has caused me to think.

Earlier this year my husband died, and I recently decided to go back to my maiden name for some very personal reasons. You cannot even imagine how many issues I ran into by just going back to my maiden name, it was as if I was never named this to begin with.

At one point I was told I needed a court document to say it was okay for me to return to my original name. I of course did not accept this and challenged this and was able to get my name changed without a court order. But it really was the audacity to try and tell me I could not be called by birth name without a judge’s permission that upset me the most.  Especially since no one could give me a valid reason why I needed a judge’s permission anyway. During this process of changing my name I have done a lot of editing of different things in my life, accounts personal records and the like.  But the most profound thing about editing is that it can change your perspective and how others see what you show them.  We edit pictures to get the best look possible, we edit papers and profiles. We are a world of people that is constantly changing to try to appear better than before.

Well this time I do not want to talk about appearing better, I want to talk about just appearing. You know before there was Photoshop and filters we took ourselves just the way the camera or the mirror showed us. We did not add anything or take away anything because we could not. One thing about my name change that was important for me was because for the first time in my life I am truly on my own. No children, no husband just me. I became a mother at a young age, 17 then I became a wife at 18 divorced at 24.  Then I was single for several years before I would marry again but in between I had more children.  So, I am a mother of five and just as all the children grew up and moved out not even a full six months of being empty nesters, my husband dies.  This is the first time in my adult life that I have had the chance to live alone. One thing I did not want to do is to be labeled and carrying his last name would simply label me as a widow. To me that carries a negative tone, a tone of sadness hurt and loneliness. None of which I wanted to carry into this new book of my life. So instead I decide to get back to myself. To get back to knowing me and loving me. To return to the girl that did not get a chance to do certain things because of her responsibilities. No, I am not trying to relive my childhood or make up for lost time. I am getting back to me and going after dreams that I put off so I could take care of my family.  Do not by any means feel sorry for me. I want you to think about the labels that you wear every day. How are you appearing?

  After my husband passed, I was struck with the label widow and it was horrible, it was depressing and debilitating in so many ways.  How can I be a widow at my age this does not make sense?  So, for about a month I struggled with the term, I really could not accept it.  I did what normally helps me deal with things, I prayed, and I talked with my sisters.  It was during this time that I realized that in life there is only two statuses, single or married. If you get a divorce you are single, not married. So, if your spouse dies you are no longer married right?  It was during a conversation with my best friend that really summed up the feeling that these words were provoking in me.

It was during this conversation when she asked what I was calling myself, her question helped me put in perspective how I felt about my so-called status in life at this time. I was able to express to her how I felt about the word and how I did not like it because it seemed to pull up visions of a woman that could not take care of herself, that she need help in everything she did.  So much had already been decided for me that I refused to allow this to be something that was left to other people.  So, this is my new life without any photoshop, or Instagram filters no snapchat short. I may have to continue to edit different things in my life, but I am going to appear just as I am.  No labels no filters and taking up the space that I was made for.

No apologies, no excuses. In fact, I think I might stop editing and just live. Yeah that is exactly what I am going to do. What about you?

New Season- Time for a change?

Its a new month, soon a new season. Time for change

September 1, 2020. Hooray it is a new day and a new month. So it’s time for a change right?

We can all agree that 2020 has not been real kind to many of us. We have been separated by two different diseases and neither seem to be going away any time soon. Racism and Covid-19. The world has been forever changed by covid-19. But for the people in my community racism has always colored our world. I pray one day it will be gone but for now it is here and I did’t create it and I don’t subscribe to it but I am and have been affected by it my entire life.

My children , my parents , my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, my nieces and nephews. My siblings. We are all truly affected by this disease that others try to pretend does not exist. It is hard to tell a child that a person won’t speak to them because they are black and they are white. And before you say that did not happen. I will tell you it did, I was in a mall in Waterford ,CT with my daughter who was two years old and she spoke to a couple of ladies who happen to be white and they did not speak back to her. You can say well they didn’t hear her but when she spoke to them they looked her in the face as if she had cussed them.

She then turned to me and said Mama, why didn’t the ladies say hi to me? My response was because some people wasn’t raised with manners to speak to a child when they say hi. At my response they stormed off. So yes they heard her. We were all sitting in the shoe department of a store purchasing shoes and was sitting in the area where you try on shoes. So again they heard her. Now this was almost 28 years ago and we still have the same issues just different year. My daughter is now an adult and is married and working on her first film. I am also the mother of a black son and the aunt to three handsome black men. So to say that I don’t cringe when stuff is going on in the world is a falsehood. Because as much as I would love to protect them from all hurt harm and danger I can’t. The divide in our country will only get smaller when all people recognize the divide that truly exist. You can’t talk it away, you can’t act as if it doesn’t exist. Because it is real and it is ingrained in the foundation of this country. It truly hurts to talk about it. I feel very vulnerable sharing this pain with you. To be disliked simply because of your heritage not because you are a bad person or that you hurt someone’s feelings or someone. Because you were born of a certain ethnic background your are labeled at every turn. It does not feel good and it makes you suspicious of people that don’t look like you.

You see what you don’t know is when we see some one that is not like us walking through the neighborhood we are suspicious and we wonder what you are doing. Are you working with the police to take someone down? Are you here to hurt us or to gentrify our neighborhoods? Do you now want our houses and neighborhoods? Yes you have labels as well. No we don’t need a savior to show us the way. So we are not looking to your for that, because when you show up in the neighborhood nothing good happens for us.

Oh that sounds awful doesn’t it? Made you sound like the big bad wolf. That is only a small ounce of what we experience on daily basis. I am not prejudice at all, I love everyone but to say that I have not been affected by how I have been treated at times in my life would be a lie. I know that this one post may not change your viewpoint but, I hope at least you read it and maybe even think about what I share.

This was not easy to do because most of us suffer in silence. But it is time to break the silence. Then maybe we can heal the hurt behind the cries.

“Lack Mindset” or is it just me?

Recently I have had to make some major changes in my thinking. I have had to accept some realities that I didn’t plan for as part of my life. I had to come to grips that thing would never be the same.

Not unlike the rest of the world, I had to accept that my home life had drastically changed and would never be the same.

In that moment that it happen, I did not know any thing else to do but to pray. That honestly was the only thing that made sense to me. I know everyone does not think like that, I know that is not everyone’s first instinct is to pray. But for me it is.

The bible says that Men ought always pray and not to faint in Luke 18:1. For me this was the only way that I have made it through every rough patch in my adult life.

So when my world imploded and changed from the inside out, that was my first reaction. I prayed.

During the past two months of adjusting to my new reality, I have changed quite a bit.

I have begun to rely heavily on God and Holy spirit for everything. I have taken a step back and understood that I may have lost my husband but I am not alone. I still have a covering and that is God.

My faith and trust in Him had to increase, now that I was in this thing by myself…but not alone.

Because God is faithful, I was blessed to pay all my bills and paid them ahead of time. But when I got paid I was expecting to have bill due and when I began looking at my bills I realized I had none to pay. They were all paid up until next month. At first I was confused because I was expecting to have to pay something, because I have never paid my bills up and ahead of time, I just assumed I had a balance that was due right away. It took me a minute or two to figure it out but when I did. I begin to rejoice in the Lord. I begin to rejoice then I stopped and asked myself what had me so convinced that all my needs were not met.

It was simply a “lack” mindset. When you have grown up in lack and lived in lack for so long that you have no idea how to operate any other way. So when you are complete and lacking nothing you generally don’t know because you don’t know what that is. You have never felt it or seen, so it is a foreign concept to you. Psalms 23:1 says “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want” and that is exactly what it means. When we truly lean and trust in the Lord He will provide for us. So not only did I rejoice for God providing but I rejoiced for the change in my mindset that is taking place because I am moving out of the lack mindset to one that can receive the abundance of the Lord. So I am going to stay right here in this place and wait on Lord.

Voices

With everything that is happening around me, I have begin to really evaluate my businesses.

My blog and my podcast. I have begin to really think about what I have to share on these platforms. I took it to God. I prayed and I asked Holy Spirit what is my role in this changing times of United States.

What should I do? You know a lot of people say it is a shame about what is going on but not everyone stops and ask what should I do.

People look at those that take action as if they are strange or extraordinary but really they are people that asked the question what can I do to serve my fellow man. How can I truly help not just stand on the sidelines and shake my head.

There has to be more that I can do. It has to be. Revolution begins in the mind before it ever hits your life. Just as change starts in the mind as well. In order for things to change each of us as individuals must begin to change from within. We can’t expect things to change and we do nothing.

As a minister I know full well the power of prayer and I also know how much more powerful it is when it is matched with action.

After you pray and receive instruction action is next the step. A week ago I was speaking with my daughter and I was telling her how I was praying about what I should do in this crisis.How can I help and as I was speaking to her and sharing my heart. I realized what I could do. I realized what I needed to do. This will change the voice and the direction of this blog but it will open us up to those around us.

I will be sharing stories of people, black women with stuff to say. I will put our voices out there so that people can see how we are so different and varied. That our lives matter and take away the stigma that other people have put on us. I hope you will go on this journey with me. Let’s explore and learn new things and meet new people together.

Grief

A month ago my husband was killed. He went to the store and never came home. This senseless act of violence was done by a lady that was working at the store and she had an argument with him.

She made the decision to pull a gun on him as he came out of the store. Yes she left out of the store while at work to confront my husband. While he was still in the store making a compliant about her to the assistant manager who was on duty at the time.

It had everything to do with the fear that this pandemic has caused. Now amid my grieving my people are at an impass with the social injustices we have faced for centuries every since we were brought to these shores. So now I am grieving for my people. I can’t say I am grieving for this country because it does not recognize us or consider us valuable enough to fight for. But we are worth enough to build prisons to hold us, but not schools to educate us. Oh yes they want our votes but not our true voices. There is a saying how are they going to kill us with a ballet or bullet?

This country was founded on our backs, blood, sweat and bodies. If you look deep enough you might find the skeltons of our anscestors along with those of the native americans buried deep under the surface of the United States. Yes the many slaves died in transport and in the fields of the plantations.

Then to add insult to injury when slavery was aboilshed they turned around and made us indentured servants. Which was just a new name for slavery. Oh and let’s not forget the jim crow laws. Oh the hangings in the south. Now we have new form of hanging it is called police brutality. And social indifferance to anyone that is black or brown.

So I am now greving for the lost of life around this country. The lives that were take by police brutalty that no one will ever know about because it wasn’t televised. No one was there to catch on video but the police’s video will never be release to the public.

I am greiving for the lost of potential that was killed and snatch away from our community. I am praying for us that are still here that we can pick up where the trail of tears have left us and move froward.

I am grieving. You might know what it is like to be black, you might never know what it is to be made to fell like if you know how to speak correct english you are an abnomaly.

To hear your neighborhood spoken about like it was waiting of white people to come save it and it didn’t have a rich history before they were ever born.

As if american africans aren’t doctors,lawyers, teachers, judges, business owners and so much more. As if we are all working minimum wage jobs looking for a handout. As a former social worker for DHS, it was my clients that looked like me that worked the hardest to get off the system. They were the ones that didn’t want to get food stamps and a government check. Those that didn’t look like me felt as if they were entitle to get their check and that I shouldn’t expect them to look for a job or go to school to get degree a certificate a license or something.

They wouldn’t show to an appointment until I cut off their benefits, then they would show up with an atitidue as if I had’t sent them several letters and left voice messages for them to get in touch with me.

I know what the media tells you but they lie to make others feel better about themselves.

The same lie has been told for so many years no one even knows you started it. Make the majority feel superior to the minority and they will believe anything we tell them. Tell them that they are going to take their jobs, their homes, their wives, their; businesses, their children. Create fear and confusion. Objectify them and show images of them as drug dealers, pimps, prostitutes, drug addicts, thieves. Make it seem that all they can do is sports, they are great entertainment. But they can’t be thinkers, at least not great thinkers. I am so tired of the lies and false images that are being paraded across the news outlets. That I could scream.

America your true colors are showing, the world is watching and they are not fooled by the lies you have shared for centuries.

Believe me when I say this USA you reap what you sow.

Strategy for victorious living

Scripture Reference: Nehemiah 1:4-11(the entire chapter)

                                    Nehemiah 2:16-20(the entire chapter and Chapter 3)

Step 1- The prayer and planning strategy

When you look at the Nehemiah 1:4-10 you will find that Nehemiah has just found out that his people are suffering from the lack of a protection from the wall that had been torn down.  And not had the guts or the intention to rebuild it.  In fact, it was just laying in ruins, it had been burned with fire.  The Jews were going through some rough times. And when he heard this he immediately went to God.

“When I heard this, I sat down and wept, and mourned for days, and fasted and prayed{constantly} before the God of heaven. And said, O Lord God of Heaven, the great and terrible God, Who keeps covenant, loving kindness and mercy for those who love Him and keep his commandments: Let Your ear now be attentive, and Your eyes open, to listen to the prayer of Your servants which I pray before You day and night for the Israelites Your servants, confessing the sins of the Israelites, which we have sinned against You. Yes, I and My father’s house have sinned against you.  We have acted very corruptly against You, and have not kept the commandments, statutes and ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses. [Deut. 6:1-9]

Remember earnestly what You commanded Your servant Moses: If you transgress and are unfaithful, I will scatter you abroad among the nations. {Lev.26:33}  But if you return to Me and Keep My commandments and do them, though your outcasts were in the farthest part of the heavens[the expanse of outer space] yet will I gather them from there, and will bring them to the place in which I have chosen to set My name[Deut.30:1-5]  Now these are Your servants and your people, whom You have redeemed by Your great power, and by Your strong hand. O Lord , let your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayer of your servants, who delight to revere and fear your name(your nature and attributes); and prosper, I pray You, Your servant this day and grant him mercy in the sight of man For I was cupbearer to the king.  Nehemiah 1:4-11 AMP”

As you read the above verses notice how a plan is forming as he is praying and how he is repenting for he has remember himself the promises of God and the warnings of God. But even in the warnings God give a way of escape and away to make things right and to come out of devastation. He says just like any good parent would; you will have to deal with the consequences for your actions but that does not mean I don’t love and I don’t want to bless you or for you to do well. Just come back and do what you know to do.  But no one besides Nehemiah had the wherewithal to actually pray and seek a plan a strategy to rebuild.

As he was praying, fasting and seeking God’s face and his ears. He reminded God of His words. He used the bible, the very laws that were given to them from Moses that came from God. He enacted his faith and trust in God and in God’s words and begin to seek a plan a strategy to help his people.  Because he was living well, he was the Kings cupbearer he didn’t worry for his safety or his family, he cried out because his people were suffering.

One thing a lot of people don’t realize is that prayer opens you up to receive from God, Prayer is preparation and planning. It opens a doorway to God. Consistent prayer will set you on a path unlike any other. It clears the way if you allow it too.   As you continue to read on into Chapter 2 you will find that Nehemiah goes before the King in the month of Nisan which is the first month on the Jewish calendar and when Passover is celebrated.  It is also the month we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  We know that Passover is one of the Lords feast days that he sat aside to be with us.  So, I want you to pay attention to this because we are in the month of Nisan right now. On our calendar it started on March 22 and will go through April 20.   This is the time to repent as Nehemiah did; to be redeemed as the Children of Israel were when they were freed from Captivity from Egypt.   This is also a time to be mindful of what you speak, as you express your deepest feelings and insights.  This is the season to put your best foot forward.   I know you are saying but we are in quarantine and social distancing and sickness is all around us.  People are dying every day. Let me let you in on a little secret people have being dying everyday before this hit the world. The problem was that people dismissed the plague of murder that was in our lands.  Because it didn’t affect their people or their population.  Families are being torn apart by laws and immigration standards.  Lies are killing people everyday and it never made the news or cause any to raise any concern.  So, before you give me the excuse that you don’t know how this is going to help you stop. Don’t say a word because if I offended you in anyway in the previous statement that meant you too were turning a blind eye to what has being going on in the world around you. Let’s just say you didn’t think about like that and go from there shall we?

This is the perfect time to get closer to God to read your bible because guess what you have time. There is no restaurants or parties to go to, there is no movie that can’t be watched at any time. Not even a tv show that you can’t watch later.  So, exercise your spirit man and connect with God.

The most important part of Step 1 is the prayer.  Read the scriptures for yourself and then when you are truly ready to move forward, say the prayer that will be at the end of this lesson. It is the prayer God gave me when I begin studying this in 2018.

Now one thing I must tell you of is that when you do begin to build something new and different in your life people are going to try and mock you. They will laugh and talk about you they may even try to stop you but the scriptures give us a way to answer them You see Nehemiah had to speak to his mockers, those naysayers that said it cant be don and that he was foolish.

So, when that happens this how you should respond: “The Great God of Heaven, He will grant us success and prosper us greatly. Therefore, we His servants, His children we will arise and build but you shall have no right, no share or part in this.”

Now you are ready for step 2.

step 2- The WORK {BELIEVING, receiving and action}

This is the part where we sometimes fall short because we sometimes want to act before it is time or some time we wait too long to act.

 You must be mindful of your timing in this step.  It is doing this stage that you will experience miracles, because you are moving and doing what he has given you to do. It is doing this phase that will test your relationship with God, it will mock you itself if you allow it to. This is where you will find out how much you trust God, trust yourself.  You will see just how much faith you really have and if you do know the voice of Holy Spirit.  Because he might give you what seems to be an impossible task, so the question then is this do you have the faith to do it.   You see before you even began on this path in prayer your faith should have been strengthen.  Because in order to believe and receive you must believe that God is and That he is a rewarder of those that seek him. [Hebrews 11:6]   You see this is an act of faith not just knowing the word of God. Nehemiah never once doubt himself because you already knew it wasn’t up to him it was up to The God that he served to provide a way and the create the opportunity for him to succeed. He got into a position of prayer, repentance, and humility. When you read Nehemiah chapters 1-3 you find that Nehemiah did not make a big announcement about what he was doing in fact when he left to go build he left the city at night so as not to bring attention to himself or  to gather distractions.  He didn’t even tell the Jews until he got to where they were. And when he got there, he shared with them what he was going to do and that God was with him.

At this point is when the naysayers begin to speak and laugh at him, they even despised him. You see people will not like simply because you had the courage and the faith to step out and do what God has called you to do. Why? Because they have allowed fear, tradition, lack of faith and self-believing or self-doubt to stop them. If you look carefully in the passages of scripture you don’t find him boasting about himself. He has the confidence that God is with him so there is no need for him to boast of himself.  He simply says God is with me.  Then after answers his naysayers he begins to build, and people come to assist him. Connections are formed because he simply prayed, believed and acting in faith.  God sent people to help him achieve which he sought God to achieve and God heard and answered his prayer.  This is not the time nor the place to give up, this is the time to rise and build.  Do this now and watch God move on your behalf.

The prayer of Restoration (add your name and your family names where I have mine)

O Great Elohim, I beseech thee. He who keeps covenant with those that love you and those you love. Those that keep your commandments you favor. I pray O lord God of Israel that you hear your servant’s prayer that I pray day and night. I confess the sins of my father’s house and my mother’s house.  For we were to be a great nation unto you and for you. Somewhere we lost our way. All the lesson was not taught. The stories were not passed down. I pray that you remember the words spoken over my house{ The Merritt family, the Fleming family, the Mctyer Families, The Perry Family} Remember your covenant with me Catherine Marie( replace with your name) who you surnamed  Please Lord, be attentive to your servant on this day. Redeem us unto you with your great power and your strong hand.  Lord equip me to build and to rebuild your house back unto you. For you said that my words my voice opens doors. You said seek me and all you need I shall provide. So, El Shaddai it is you I seek and ask for forgiveness and repent for the sins of my father’s house my mother’s house as well. Let them rise again unto you allow me to find success in the presence of man. Pleas Lord let your ear be attentive to me you servant Catherine (your name) and to those of Your servants that love you and who delight to revere your name. Give your people success today and have compassion on them in the presence of man. Free us your people form the mind traps and word traps that we have laid for ourselves free us from the snares that we unknowingly set in our own lives with careless words spoken in this time.

In the name of Jesus, I pray AMEN

This prayer is not to be taken lightly and you need to say until not only you believe but you can see it through your eyes of faith.

Catherine M. Cobbins

Pastor and founder of In His Arms Ministry

Follow us on Facebook at In His Arms Ministry.

Pantry

It is a strange new day that we are living in today. We are facing some circumstances that seem right out of a scifi movie. People at the grocery stores over buying products and running scared and not thinking at all just reacting.

I went to the grocery store for some basic stuff for my home and looked at people’s baskets and it brought up some questions.

One of the questions was this do these people never grocery shop?

The other question was this ” Do these people even know how to grocery shop?” You might say these questions are mean, but they are very real question that I asked and I know I am not the only person that asked these questions. If this pandemic hasn’t taught you anything else it should have taught you to be prepared no matter the circumstances. So with that in mind, I am going to share with you a few tips I learned from my grandmother back in 19….. Ha Ha anyway.

I was a young lady about to get married and my grandmother said it was time for me to learn how to grocery shop and cook from scratch. So for the whole summer before my wedding I was in what I call marriage bootcamp. I was taught and groomed to be a wife before the wedding day. She would wake me up around 6 or 630 am to cook breakfast and on saturdays we would go to the farmers’ market to buy produce. She taught me everything from making pancakes from scratch to cakes and cookies.

She showed me all I need to start a love of cooking. She even helped me make my own cookbook. She also gave me a cookbook. People don’t give cookbooks as gifts anymore, why I don’t know. But I actually still have the first cookbook she gave me it is the picture you see above. She gave it to me because it not only helped me to cook for two but it had in the back what I needed to stock my kitchen. She had taught me but she wanted to send me off to Groton,Ct with something because she wasn’t going to be there.

I am not going to type everything in the book but I am going to give a list of things that you should all have in your pantry. This blog is simply an informational post. Because I don’t want to see people unprepared for what ever comes up next. I have shared this list several times during my life with friends because grocery shopping is not something most think to teach. But I realize that just as cool as I was because I had the basics in my cabinets a lot people were not. So lets go

Basics to have in your cabinets, cupboard or pantry whatever you call it is as follows:

  • Sugar, flour
  • salt, pepper
  • baking powder
  • baking soda, yeast
  • coffee and or tea
  • shortening
  • butter,margarine
  • spices, hebs
  • chocolate, vanilla
  • cereal
  • mayonnaise and or salad dressing
  • oil
  • pickles, olives
  • mustard
  • worcestershire sauce
  • steak sauce, ketchup
  • bread, rolls
  • eggs
  • meat
  • salad greens
  • vegetables, fruits
  • juices milk, cream
  • can goods( including canned meat, fruit and veggies)
  • boxed prepared dinners- such as hamburger helper etc.
  • frozen juices, soda
  • peanut butter
  • jelly
  • evaporated milk
  • dry pasta
  • dry beans, rice
  • potatoes

There are so many other tips I will be giving over the next couple of weeks. Just remember the best way to avoid being overwhelmed is to be prepared no matter what the world brings. I have a couple of saying that I go by one of them is this ” if you fail to plan then you plan to fail” The other one and the most important one is this ” poor planning on your part today does not constitute an emergency for me tomorrow” Now think about this if you don’t plan don’t expect someone else to see your lack of preparation as a priority for them in their life. Get this now so later you will not find yourself mad at someone because they won’t hurry to your rescue because you were not prepared. This doesn’t just apply to groceries but to life. What do you need to sit down and plan? I am sure besides making a more detailed grocery list there are somethings that you need to work on as we are all in the house lets work truly on ourselves. Look at these days as personal development days. Start with your pantry in your physical home then take an inventory in your mental pantry, your spiritual panty and emotional as well. You will most definitely find some things have expired and need to be thrown out and replaced. But there may be things in you that need to be discarded never to return again. Now lets go get prepared.

OFF SCRIPT

As I am building my business so many things impact me. To be completely honest I have been an entrepreneur all my life but being raised in a very practical and education driven family setting my talents were not recognized. We are a traditional people that believe for the most part education is the way to achieve success. My talents were not dismissed but just not celebrated or pushed. As a child I was always told to do good in school then go on to college and get a career. I was always taught to do things the practical way. You know become a teacher, a social worker, a nurse or doctor. You know all those things, the normal stuff. But being a child with a great big imagination it was never easy for me to stay focused on the practical for long. I would soon create a world in my mind that was fantastic and beautiful to me. I would watch tv for that fueled what was in me I would read books because it helped my mind to fly even the more. I loved dance and music. They spoke to me like nothing else in the world. They gave me something traditional education never could. They gave me me. When I begin to share my words with others it excited me. It was wonderful for me as a child to make up stories and tell them to others. Some people misunderstood and even thought I stole the words from another source. Once in jr high we had an assignment to complete and it could have been a real story or a make believe one, so I created a story and it was so believable that the teacher asked me about and when I told her I wrote it. She didn’t believe me instead gave me a good talking to about the story and even told my mother. So I stopped writing for school in the fullness that I was capable of. But still I wrote.

When I made up in my mind that I was going to be a writer, I had no idea where to begin. This was around 2008, I started several books but didn’t finish them. I had no idea of how to be me by then, I knew how to be a social worker for DHS, I knew how to be a single mother of five. I knew how to be a daughter, a sister, a minister, a friend. But not how to walk in my destiny, my true identity. Being a case worker was second nature to me, it was and always has been like writing or walking it is just what I do. But when it came to getting back to my basic nature, to me, it seemed as if there was some sort of blockage something in my way stopping me from getting there. Fast forward a little to 2013, I decided I will start a blog and write a book of poetry. I begin researching how to blog and read all the articles I could. I took online courses, I signed up for blogs. I followed the steps everything it said to do. Yet no success, nothing changed in my life. What no one ever said to me was that you have to be you. But honestly I didn’t know I was leaving me out of the equation. Personally I was trying to prove to people that I was who I said I was. I didn’t have good support system, people close to me just didn’t believe in me. But why should they when I didn’t believe in the real me. I had hid her for so long that I think I hid her from myself. The voice that I had been given at creation was silent. I did not look inside of me to use that voice on in the inside of me. Instead I tried to follow steps laid out before me but never being forthcoming with my authentic voice.

Needless to say I gain no momentum in my quest. Yet I kept trying, I did publish my book of poetry, I opened an in home bakery. Yes sounds great doesn’t it? But neither was successful, why because I wasn’t me. I tried to do things the way other people said I should do them. I had many stumbling blocks in my way and I tripped over them several times.

The thing is they were not new stumbling blocks they were the same ones over and over again. Basically I was tripping over nothing like I was woman in a c rated horror moving. I ignored my own instincts that had helped be successful in other areas of my life. I keep the voice of the imaginative little girl quiet when she should have been the loudest one in my head. I didn’t always heed to the voice of Holy Spirit, I was in uncharted territory and I didnt know anyone that had been where I was attempting to go. So there is no map or outline to get there I just have to go. I had to accept that every time I achieved something it was not done in a traditional pattern or way. It was out of the box and extraordinary. I can’t follow their patterns or their how to plans. I can learn from them but I have to adapt it to me or not use it at all. This brings us up to today. A few years ago God gave me a name of a group. I was not sure what I was going to do with but I knew it would be something. At first I thought it was like a group for different types of artist to hold each other accountable to the standards of Christianity. But a little over a year ago Holy Spirit revealed to me what it was for and who should be working with me on it.

It turned out that the name He gave me is for a company a multi media group company. And my business partners are my oldest two daughters. I had been looking for a team and they had been here all along. I gave birth to them. So for almost a year we have been gathering information and establishing our names individually and now we are doing it collectively to create the company that God put in my spirit years ago. It is coming together, we are building this company according to the instructions that Holy Spirit gives us as well as learning all we can from other sources. You see God is a prepared God for a prepared people.

The walk of destiny and purpose may not always go in a straight line, it will have bumps, blocks and even holes along the way. Just don’t stop walking. To you it may seem like it took me to too long to get here but I got here just in time to make sure my daughters get on their path at the right time. I am successful not because I have gained millions of dollars or followers but because I am me . I am in full effect;I am the person God created me to be before the foundation of time. I am the writer, the dancer, the singer, the musician, the mother, the wife, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the minister, aunt, the teacher, the business owner and everything in between that He called me to be. Because they are all me.

Do what is before you to do

One moment in His presence got me back on track

Yesterday I was having a moment. During this moment I was asking God why and why not. I was saying am I on the right track, so forth and so on. I was basically whining and it didn’t feel natural at all for me. One reason is because I am not customarily a whiner. I don’t even acknowledge children that whine. So I most definitely don’t listen to adults even myself during a whine session. So in the midst of me, doing this I stopped and I said this isn’t me and I know that there is an answer to my questions.

So as I was stopping my phone rang and it was my daughter and I begin talking to her about it and she proceeded to encourage me. Then I shared with her how it didn’t feel genuine to me. We talked a little longer and I got off the phone. But when I got off the phone I prayed and asked Holy Spirit for guidance.

He lead me to Matthew 25:21 it says this ” His Lord said to him Well done my good and faithful servant; thou has been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of the Lord”. This scripture hit me right in my gut. Because I understood without any doubt what He was saying to me.

You see I was feeling discouraged over how many readers and listeners I had on my blog and my podcast. I was complaining and whining over just one listener. That is when this hit me I understood that I was looking at all wrong. The statement I have made over and over again in my walk is if I reach just one then I have accomplished what God has called me to.

I have to be faithful over that one listener. I must be faithful over the one or two readers I have. I must stay consistent and keep improving on my writing , my speaking. Even more so I must be grateful for what God has blessed me with so far. I know that the path I am on is the one that I have been ordained and destined to walk.

You see at that moment I was being like the servant with one talent and I was burying it in the sand instead of putting it to market and multiplying it. I was not walking by faith I was just making unnecessary noise. So this is my word to you whatever God has given you to do no matter what it is do it.

Be consistent and faithful in it. When you operate in your gift you are honoring God every step of the way. I somehow forgot that temporarily call it a lapse in my true identity. Be grateful for your progress no matter how big or how small. Celebrate it and praise God every step of the way.